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Episode Transcript

Hello and welcome back to another Go Beyond Therapy podcast episode, today is all about the emotional load of supporting children who are neurodivergent or have additional needs. This episode is for parents doing all the things that no one sees. The emotional labour, the constant planning, the late night Googling the quiet tears in the bathroom, we are [00:02:00] talking about the invisible load and why it feels so heavy even though you're not doing that much on paper. So, if you're tired, stretched thin, or just need someone to say, yeah, totally get it. You're in the right place and you're definitely not alone.

let's start by naming it, because when we name something, we stop blaming ourselves for carrying it. The invisible load might look like, forgetting the type of brand that your child's toothpaste is, rewriting the school communication email six times, just so it sounds right. Planning therapy appointments, funding paperwork, birthday parties, sensory safe shoes, all while holding your family's emotions, needs and feelings all together. It's the emotional labour of being the steady one, the one who tracks progress, the pre-empted meltdowns, and stays regulated even though inside you are just screaming.

It is the mental load of being the translator, the advocate, the social coordinator, and the snack packer. [00:03:00] It's holding space for your child's experiences and burying your own. And let's not forget the identity load being a therapist parent, a teacher parent, a case manager parent, and sometimes barely feeling like a person.

Sound familiar? If your head's nodding, keep listening. You're definitely not alone.

Here's something I wish people heard more of, "you are not failing. You are carrying more than people will ever understand". So, if you felt snappy over something small, tired, even after sleeping, like your brain is buffering on a loop. It's not a weakness; it's just capacity overload. You're running a marathon while learning the route, paving the road, and putting the family together at the same time, and you're not dramatic. You're human. A human who's doing extraordinary things quietly and constantly. Now the truth is we just can't drop everything, but we can change how we're carrying it. So, here's a few gentle realistic ways to help ease some of that pressure.

[00:04:00] First one is to write it down. Use a brain dump list, messy, unfiltered, even if it's just seeing it on paper, might give your mind just some breathing space just to get it all outta your head and onto paper. You may even find that writing it down in dot point form in like a to-do list, but you might also use things like a journal where you can actually write down how you're feeling the mental load and actually do some reflection on it. 

Another thing we can look at is. Choose one thing to leave. We're not superheroes. We can't do everything all at once, but sometimes if you can just accept taking one thing off your load, if it's the washing, if it's getting ready for school, if it's, cooking for example, just take one thing off your load, just to give yourself a bit of breathing space and ask yourself, does this need to be done today or does it feel urgent? Or can it be left to another time? 

Another idea is to take micro breaks that work for you in your nervous system. Have [00:05:00] a think about you as a parent and how your nervous system works. You might be easily overstimulated. You might need quiet. There's lots of different things that your body might need.

 trying to use ideas and activities that will help calm your nervous system. So, this could be two minutes in the garden. It could be a podcast episode that speaks to you. A car ride in silence. You may choose to take some noise cancelling headphones with you when you go grocery shopping, but trying to find something within your day as a micro break to help you calm your own nervous system. 

Another idea might be just to let someone in. You don't have to pour your heart out. You don't have to be super honest and vulnerable with them. You might just be able to say, look, I'm a bit stretched today. Can you pick up the kids from school? Can you make that phone call to that Allied Health Clinic to try and find an appointment? [00:06:00] Try and use the network you've got and the community you've got around you to try and take some of that load off. It might even be simple things like ordering the groceries online instead of actually going to the supermarket, but using really small, effective strategies within your day or your week to help try and relieve some of that pressure.

 Celebrate the really small things and I totally understand that with families and parents, we're always looking onto the next goal, the next thing we need to work on, because we're always so focused on the development and , what needs to be done as such, where if you pause and take a moment and actually celebrate the small things that have happened, then you can work on some of that gratitude and be able to find , the joy in your life.

So, say you've had a really hard morning and you replied to that email and you showed up, that's absolutely a beautiful thing to celebrate because [00:07:00] if it wasn't for you, that email would not have been written. You wouldn't have advocated about your child and their schooling.

There are so many opportunities within your day to just celebrate the small things, the things that you've actually been able to get done, which for someone else, might seem like trivial everyday things, but for you, it takes a bit of time. So, celebrate it and hold onto those moments.

 I want to take some time to have a look at some journal prompts that we can have a look at together. I know for a lot of parents, , they don't have the time to journal or they feel they don't have the time to journal which out of all the different types of strategies I've suggested to my families and that I've used personally too, I find journaling really helps you get out of your own mind and really brain dump a lot of that emotional baggage that you might be carrying around with you.

Now this journal is not for anyone else to read, this is for you and you only. I find handwriting and [00:08:00] journaling works a lot better than typing it onto a phone, but do what you want with it, use your preferences because if you're on the road or if you're going between appointments, it might be best to use your phone to give you that opportunity to journal rather than carry around a physical notebook with you. So, if you are choosing a physical notebook, I would choose a bounded notebook, not one that's a spiral notebook because then it sounds funny, but your own thoughts and opinions are there, they can't be ripped out.

So, I want you to, have a think and a listen and just let your mind wander as you hear some of these prompts. If you'd like to pause the episode now and do this properly, when you've got some time, I'd like you to pause the episode, and I'd like you to make an alarm of a time, possibly within your day to prompt you to put time aside for this.

Pause the episode now, make that alarm, and then come back to [00:09:00] it. 

We are going to move forward. So again, I just want you to listen and think or speak your thoughts out loud. If you're driving or taking a walk, this is just a quiet moment for you. 

 Here is the first one: what am I carrying today that no one else can see? Let that answer come to you without judgment. Maybe it's a worry. Maybe it's a tiny hundred little to do things. Whatever it is, it's real and matters. Have a moment just to sit with that. What am I carrying today that no one else can see?

Maybe it's prepping for that NDIS planning meeting that's coming up in a few weeks. Maybe it's not knowing what's coming up in the NDIS. Maybe it's stressing about your child at school. Maybe it's financial worries, but what is it today that you are carrying around that no one else can see?

Here's our next one. What is one thing I wish others [00:10:00] understood about my day-to-day life? Maybe this is extended family, maybe it's friends of yours who don't quite understand just how hard it is to get to appointments or coffee dates. What's something that's felt invisible but you wish someone could truly, see?

 Next is, what can I give myself permission to let go of today? Just one thing, a task, a thought, a guilt that's been sitting heavy. What could you wait till tomorrow or maybe doesn't need to be carried at all?

Here's one that might feel a little bit tender. What would it feel like to show myself the same compassion I show my child? Imagine speaking to yourself the way you comfort your little one. What would you say? What tone would you use? What would you offer yourself? 

And [00:11:00] the last one, what am I proud of right now in the way I parent, advocate or simply keep going. You don't need to win awards. Maybe you kept your cool this morning, maybe you showed up to another appointment and maybe you just kept going. These are all kind of moments we often rush past, but you deserve to be seen too. If one of those questions has stuck with you, maybe come back to it later. Like I mentioned earlier, or voice, note it to yourself. There's no correct way to reflect. You are not just managing your child's world; you are learning how to hold space for yourself as well.

 If this episode has landed with you today, I'd love for you to share it around to your community. And as always, you can always find tools, support community over at Go Beyond Therapy on our website or connect with us in our socials.

So, let's keep walking this path together. Thanks for [00:12:00] listening and take care of yourself today.